


Bright Lights

by SadieandJack



Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:40:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27510154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadieandJack/pseuds/SadieandJack
Summary: Sara and Russell survive and explosion that has lasting effects. Will Grissom be able to get through to Sara?
Relationships: Gil Grissom/Sara Sidle





	1. Explosion!

D.B. Russell held me against him as we sat on the stretcher at the crime scene. He tried to sooth my shaking as he looked at the people moving past us. Grissom ran over sighing with relief seeing us.

"Are you all right?" He asked

"Yes, just a few scratches. Sara is not doing well."

Grissom touched my arm and I moved deeper into Russell with my face hidden.

"She's not talking." Russell said

The paramedics wanted to take me to the hospital. Russell moved slowly away from me as I grabbed at him.

"It's okay." He said "They want to take you to the hospital."

I grabbed at him clutching his arm looking scared.

"You'll be okay."

He moved back dropping his arm from my grasp. I looked around scared seeing people looking at me. Grissom tried to get me to lie down.

"Sara, lie down." He said

I screamed struggling against him as the paramedic got something.

"Hold her arm!" The man said, inserting a needle into my arm. I struggled more than calmed down feeling loopy.

Grissom put me onto the stretcher helping the men lift the stretcher into the ambulance. He gave Russell his keys and then he got into the ambulance touching my leg.

I woke a few hours later. A strange man and Grissom were talking at the end of the bed in hushed voices.

They both noticed me looking at them.

"Look whose awake." The doctor said, walking over to the bed "You look much better than you did. How are you feeling?"

I just looked at him.

"Come on, you can say something." He said

I looked at Grissom seeing a worried look.

"Are you hungry?" The doctor asked

I moved stiffly.

"You have to be by now. I'll have a nurse get you something."

He nodded at Grissom then walked out. Grissom sat in a chair touching my hand.

"Honey say something." He said

I blinked looking at him. He sighed rubbing my hand. I looked around the room seeing a nurse come in with a tray.

"Here's some food for the patient." She said, placing it on a table wheeling it over me. "Let me know if there is anything else you need."

"Thank you." Grissom said

She smiled walking out. Grissom took the lid off looking at the sandwich on the plate. He made the bed go up and then he lifted the half of a sandwich to my mouth.

"Take a bite."

I looked at the sandwich then at him. He waited till I opened my mouth taking a bite.

"Is it good?"

I nodded making him smile a little.

"Can I come in?" Russell asked, peeking in behind the door.

"Yes, come in." Grissom said, making me eat another bite of sandwich.

"How's the patient?" He asked, coming over.

"Still not talking." Grissom said

"What's wrong?" Russell asked, concerned.

"The doctor said that she is suffering from shell shock. She just won't talk."

I looked at them both chewing.

"I got hold of Jim." Russell said, looking at me.

"Did he say when he would be back?" Grissom asked

"He asked that you keep him informed. He was just getting on the boat when I got hold of him."

"He told me once that when he goes on vacation that something always happens here." Grissom said

"Well I told him to go enjoy himself. The man never goes anywhere." Russell said

"Do you mind staying here for a few moments? I want to get a coffee." Grissom asked

"No, I don't mind." Russell said

Grissom walked out as Russell sat on the bed looking at me.

"Sara, I know you can talk."

I stared at him as he waited.

"It's safe here. You can say something."

I shook my head looking to the side. Russell looked down sadly. Grissom came back with two coffees. Russell left soon after as Grissom sat in the chair by the bed drinking as he watched me. I slept after eating then woke to thunder outside. I hid under my blankets shaking. Another boom and I was running out of the room down the hallway as nurses ran after me.

Grissom walked into the hospital half an hour later coming to my room. A nurse was in there with me trying to calm me down.

"She was scared of the storm." She said

"I can stay with her." Grissom said

"Try to keep her calm." The woman said, leaving.

I looked at him with pleading eyes as I jumped hearing a booming sound. Grissom climbed up on the bed sitting beside me. He put his arms around me kissing my head.

"It's okay, it's just a storm." He said

I jumped again burrowing deeper into his chest. He rubbed my back making the bed go down lower. He closed his eyes kicking his shoes off.

"Try to sleep." He said

I tried to relax and over time I was able to. I kept waking through the night to make sure that he was still with me.

He woke in the morning seeing a tray with a lid on it on the table by the end of the bed. He yawned slowly moving off the bed looking at me sleeping. He looked at his watch putting on his shoes.

"Sara?" He called, touching my cheek. "Honey, wake up."

I moved slowly opening my eyes.

"I have to go. You need to eat. I'll be back soon." He said

I reached for him as he leaned over kissing my head. He brought the table over me lifting the lid.

"This looks good. I want you to eat."

I nodded as he touched my leg then he walked out.

"Mr. Grissom, how is Sara?" The doctor asked, walking over with a woman in a dark suit.

"She's fine." Grissom said "I was just going home to get ready for work."

"I want to introduce Doctor Elizabeth Sherman. She is here to help Sara."

Grissom shook her hand.

"I work with PTSD patients and I think I can help Sara."

"I read your book. I think that would be a good idea. Please call me if anything happens."

Grissom walked out.

He walked into the lab going to his office an hour later seeing a pile high stack of papers on his desk. He sighed sitting down looking at them. His phone went off as he got started.

"Grissom." He answered

"Gil, it's Jim."

Grissom sat back in his chair holding the phone.

"How is the fishing trip?"

"I haven't caught anything the whole time. How is Sara?"

"The same. A doctor is working with her right now. I stayed with her last night."

"What happened to cause this?"

"She was at the scene in the house and the house exploded all around them. It was a miracle that they both were alive."

"Do I need to come back?" Jim asked

"No, you need rest."

"I'll be back in two days. Call me if there is trouble."

"I will."

Grissom hung up sitting still a moment looking at his phone.

After shift he came back to the hospital. The room was dark as he entered. He turned on the light beside the bed seeing that I was sleeping. He fixed my blankets touching my hand.

The door opened as the doctor came in seeing him.

"How is she?" Grissom asked

"She has a fever that we are monitoring." The doctor said, quietly as he touched my head.

"What caused it?" Grissom asked

"It's not uncommon for this to happen. I want to stay close and watch her."

Grissom reached over touching my head feeling the heat coming off me.

"There is nothing to do right now. Why don't you go home and sleep?" The doctor said

"You got it."

Grissom hesitantly walked out worried about me. He went to bed when he came home.

I moved my head feeling someone touching me. Opening my eyes, I saw the doctor checking me as he talked to the nurse beside him. I saw his lips moving as he talked to me, but I didn't understand him.

They both walked out as I moved feeling weak and miserable. The nurse came back in putting medication into the IV drip. I closed my eyes letting the darkness take over.

"Sara?" A voice called "Honey, wake up."

A hand went to my head and cheek.

"Sara, it's dad."

My eyelids had weights on them.

"Come on, wake up."

I slowly opened my eyes seeing Jim Brass standing by the bed looking at me.

"Hey." He said "Your fever is gone."

I wanted to hug him, but my arms were to heavy.

"You've been asleep awhile." He said "I came back because I was worried about you."

I let my eyes close as he kissed my head rubbing my cheek. He watched me go to sleep again then he went in search of the doctor.

"When can Sara go home?" He asked

"I want her to stay one more day. Doctor Sherman wants to continue working with her." The doctor said

After talking to the doctor, he went to the lab walking into Grissom's office sitting down infront of his desk.

"They want to keep her there overnight." Brass said, rubbing his head.

"You didn't have to come home early." Grissom said

"I couldn't stop thinking about her. Ellie hates me because I was never there for her. I can't let that happen to Sara."

"Jim, I think Ellie will realize that she loves you one of these days." Grissom said

"It's over between us. I have accepted that." Jim said, standing. "I'm going home to sleep."

"When do you come back?"

"Tomorrow." He said "See ya later."

"Bye."

Grissom watched Jim leave hearing the sadness in his friend's voice.

I was sitting up eating dinner when Grissom came. I gave him a small smile before taking a bite of the sandwich I held.

"You look much better." He said "Want to say something?"

I shook my head. He leaned over kissing me tasting the egg salad.

"Mmm, that's good." He said, as he leaned back. "I need to head to a meeting soon."

He kissed my head then looked at his wrist watch. I slept having a nightmare about the explosion. I sat up breathing in and out fast. A figure walked over quietly, and I jumped again as dad came into the dim light by the bed.

"It's just me." He said

I looked around the room as he touched my arm.

"I got off work and wanted to see you." He said "Your shaking."

He climbed in next to me pulling me back against him. We were silent listening to the central air humming. I went back to sleep after five minutes as he stayed awake. When I woke early he was gone.

Doctor Sherman came in to see me at nine. I listened to her talk and all I wanted to do was go home. She tried to get me to talk. After she left I laid on my side feeling tears come down my cheeks. I just wanted to leave.

Brass walked in before he had to go to work seeing that I was sitting up in bed with a frown on my face.

"What's wrong?" He asked

I sighed looking down.

"Something has made you unhappy." He said

I pointed to the window and he looked at them.

"Did you see something?"

I shook my head trying to tell him I wanted to leave. He finally caught on sitting on the bed.

"Honey, the doctor said you can go home in a few hours."

I moved to my side not facing him.

"You need to stay here for a little while. I know you can."

He touched my blanket covered hip.

"If you talk right now I will get them to release you now." He said

I turned looking at him.

"I know how much you want to leave. All you need to do is talk."

I sat up looking at him. He touched my cheek with his hand.

"Come on."

He watched me struggle. I opened my mouth but closed it unable to make a sound. I gave up looking down.

He pulled me against him as I started to cry.

The doctor was willing to release me by two. Grissom brought me home. I sat down on the couch with my feet up. Grissom put a blanket over me then he looked me over.

"Soup?"

I shook my head reaching for him. He sat down on the couch searching my eyes.

"I need to go to work soon." He said

I pulled him closer till we were kissing. He touched my arms then my back. I didn't want him to leave me. He moved back opening his eyes. I let my hands wander to his belt. He stopped me lifting my hands to his lips kissing them.

"I want to, but I can't now." He said

I sighed nodding.

He came closer touching my cheeks with his hands.

"Sara, please say something." He said "Say anything."

I swallowed looking at him as he searched my eyes.

"Please." He said

My heart started to race as he waited.

"Come on." He said

I tried to talk. He could see that I was struggling.

"You can do it." He said

I breathed in and out fast. Thunder boomed outside, and I screamed holding my head.

"Sara!" Grissom shouted

I screamed again falling to the floor. Grissom pulled me against him as I cried. He rocked me back and forth.

Another boom! I cried again shaking violently. I grabbed at him frantically.

"He….hel….help!" I cried

"It's okay." He said "It's okay."

The next shook the house. I screamed again going limp. Grissom pulled me closer. I woke on the couch alone. It was raining outside and dimly lit. I slowly got up feeling a headache start.

The front door opened, and I saw Brass come in seeing me. He turned on the light switch by the front door.

"Hey, I was just coming to check on you." He said

I ran over hugging him. He hugged me back.

"Are you hungry?" He asked

"No." I said

He moved back touching my cheek.

"You talked?"

I nodded shivering. He kissed my head hugging me again.

Grissom came home late hearing the TV on. He walked into the living room seeing Brass sleeping sitting up with his feet on the coffee table. I laid beside him with a blanket covering me. Grissom walked over touching Brass's shoulder. The older man jumped a little seeing Grissom.

"Hey, are you just coming home?" He asked, looking at his watch.

"I had to talk to Nick and Greg." Grissom said "How is Sara?"

Brass looked over at me then he stood.

"She's better."

"Good." Grissom said "You need to go to bed."

"I got a heavy day tomorrow. I need to talk to Sophia about the past week."

Grissom nodded walking with Brass to the front door.

"To thank her for covering for me I got her a gift."

"What is it?" Grissom asked, opening the door.

"My buddies and I stopped at this shop and right on the wall there hung one of those fish that sing on a wooden plaque."

Grissom shook his head chuckling.

"That sounds better than the cheap perfume basket you got her last year."

"Yeah." Brass said "Goodnight, Gil."

"Goodnight." Grissom said, shutting the door.

He walked over bending down touching my arm.

"Sara, it's time to go to bed."

I moved slowly seeing him. He helped me up taking me to the bedroom. He slid into bed beside me a few minutes later and I snuggled against him.

The next day, Grissom walked out to the living room dressed for work. I came out in pajamas walking past him. He pulled me back looking me over.

"Sara, I might regret this, but you can come back to work. Russell wants you to be on light duty until he is convinced you're ready."

I nodded excited. I ran back into the bedroom getting ready. Grissom drove us to the lab where Russell was waiting at the front desk.

"Welcome back!" He said, shaking my hand.

"I need to go to a meeting. She is all yours." Grissom said

He leaned over to talk into my ear.

"Talk to people."

I nodded looking at him as he walked away.

"You can help me today." Russell said "How are you doing?"

"Fine." I said

He smiled looking at me.

"Good."

I followed him down the hallway to the garage. Inside the room he had a black car that had been crashed from the side.

"I need you to check the trunk." He said "I am looking for hair fibers and blood."

I nodded grabbing some gray coveralls and gloves. I opened the trunk looking into the empty trunk. I leaned down shining a flashlight down on the maroon colored carpet lining. I found one light colored hair that I put in a small manila envelope.

Nick came in talking to Russell about something. He walked over happy to see me.

"Hey, stranger!" He said

"Hey." I said, looking at him.

"So, how are you?"

"Good."

"The team was worried about you. I can't wait to tell them that your fine." He said

I smiled looking over seeing Russell walk over.

"Nick, we need to work."

"See you at break." He said, before leaving.

I watched him go then I went back to the trunk.

At break, the team decided to go to a diner up the road. I went along listening to Greg's adventures while I was gone. Catherine sat next to me putting her hand over mine in my lap smiling at me. I smiled back then I looked at the menu. After we ordered I was ambushed with questions. Catherine could see I was overwhelmed.

"Give her space right now." She said

They all shut up as I sighed sitting back in the booth. I was grateful that Catherine was beside me.

The rest of the time was better as they started talking amongst themselves about a big boxing match coming up. I ate slowly listening.

At the end we all walked outside.

"I can't work with a full belly." Greg said

"Yes, you can." Russell said, watching Greg groan rubbing his stomach.

"You ate to much." Catherine said

"It's everyone's fault putting their food on my plate." He said

"You could have said no." Warrick said, stepping off the curb to the vehicle.

"I could have, but I didn't." Greg said, following.

"See you at the lab." Catherine said, following Greg.

Russell waved then he looked at Nick and I beside him.

"Ready to go?" He asked

"Let's hit the road!" Nick said, walking past us to the Tahoe.

I followed Russell just as a car loudly backfired. I panicked dropping to the curb holding my head shaking.

I closed my eyes hearing them walk over kneeling down.

"It was just a car, Sara." Russell said

I opened my eyes looking at him on one side and Nick at the other.

"It's okay." Nick said

They slowly stood me up taking me to the vehicle. As Russell drove I sat in the back with my head against the glass still shaking. We got to the lab and Nick jumped out going inside. Russell came around the Tahoe opening the door allowing me out. He closed it facing me.

"Sara, are you okay?"

I nodded as he touched my arm.

"If you're not, that is okay."

"I….hate loud noises."

"Me to." He said "We never talked about what happened that night. Do you want to talk about it?"

I looked at him thinking.

"Yes, I want to."

"Let's go to my office." He said

I was led inside to Grissom's old office. Russell shut the door behind us then he sat infront of this desk beside me as I sat down. I looked down at my hands as he just sat in silence watching me.

"I…am scared all the time." I said, not looking at him. "I hate it. Every time there is a loud noise I go back to the house."

"I was scared to. I have never been that close to an explosion." He said

"When will it end?" I asked, looking at him.

"Sara, these things take time. You may never fully recover from this." He said "When the explosions were about to happen what was going through your mind?"

I looked at him then at his desk.

"I was thinking about Grissom. What it was going to feel like to be blown up. I thought about dad."

"That is perfectly normal." He said

"I don't want to die, but I know it is going happen one way or another." I said

He nodded as I looked at him.

"I waited for Grissom to wake up for years. If I died tomorrow what was the point?"

"Sara, no one knows when they are going to die. Until that day comes we live our lives the best that we can."

Tears went down my cheeks. I sniffed wiping the tears from my face. Russell reached over touching my hands. It was then the walls crumbled and I started to cry harder. Russell moved his chair closer putting his arms around me. I welcomed his embrace.

"You will overcome this." He said

I nodded against his chest.

Grissom found me at the front desk after shift looking pale with red eyes.

"You okay?" He asked, concerned.

"Yes." I said

"Were you crying?"

"No." I said

He gave me a confused look before leading me outside. I got into the car as he did. I looked at him as he sat back in the seat looking at me.

"Do you want to talk?"

"No, I am tired." I said

"Sara?"

"Can we go home?" I asked, looking down at my legs.

"Why have you been crying?"

I didn't answer.

"Do you need more time to recover?"

"No."

I looked at him again.

"Sara, talk to me."

"Russell and I talked about the explosion." I said

"That made you cry?"

"Yes."

"You and I never talked about it." He said "Do you want to?"

"Do you love me?" I asked

He searched my eyes.

"Of course, I do."

I reached over touching his hand.

"Grissom, if anything happens to me I want you to know that I have never been happier these last two years." I said "I love you so much."

He saw tears come down my face. I sniffed trying to control myself. Grissom stayed silent looking at me. I moved back into my seat putting my hand over my mouth as I cried gently. Grissom looked at the steering wheel. I heard his car door open and shut. I looked over then I looked out watching as he came around to myside opening my door. He held out his hand and I took it allowing him to pull me out. He closed the door hugging me.

His lips went to my head as he sighed. Russell came out seeing us standing between cars. He walked over concerned.

"Everything okay?" He asked

Grissom nodded watching him nod then walk away.

"Let's go home and have some take out." Grissom said

I nodded as he opened the car door again. We drove in silence except for my sniffing. Grissom stopped at a local Italian restaurant that we sometimes ordered from then we went home. He and I ate in the living room watching a movie. I groaned lying back full. Grissom put his plate on the coffee table next to mine taking a breath.

"You hardly touched your salad." He said

"I can't take another bite." I said

"You eat like a bird these days." He said

"Isn't that a turn on for men?"

"For some. It can be a relief knowing that a date won't order lobster."

I shook my head.

"However, for an already thin person it does cause concern." He said

"I'm fine." I said

"I could feel your ribs earlier." He said

I sighed looking at the TV.

"I had a meal at the diner earlier."

"Catherine said you didn't eat much there either."

I looked at him as he watched the movie.

"You sent her to babysit me?"

"No, I just asked her how you are?" He said

I sat up facing him.

"More like spy on me." I said

"You are being ridiculous." He said, looking at me.

"Admit it."

"No, I am not this sneaky person you think I am."

"Yes, you are. Just admit it." I said

He gave me a look as I moved my hand up his shirt.

"I have nothing to admit." He said

"What about the time you put your evidence at the top of Greg's list ahead of Catherine's?"

"I never did that." Grissom said

"Yes, you did. Greg told me about it. Catherine is still annoyed with you."

"If I did I don't remember it." He said

I moved closer kissing him. He didn't move as he kissed me. His lips were soft and warm with a faint flavor of sauce. I moved closer heating up the kiss. His hands went to my cheeks. I let him take control. He moved back needing air as I did.

"Let's go to bed." He said

I nodded getting up pulling him to the bedroom. I woke up later seeing it was still dark out. Grissom spooned my body keeping me warm. I moved, and he put his arm around my waist.

"Where are you going?" He asked

"Bathroom." I said, quietly.

He moved allowing me to get up. I walked to the bathroom going in closing the door. I turned on the light looking at my self in the mirror. I opened the medicine cabinet seeing the various pills that Grissom and I had gotten for various reasons. I picked up one brown bottle that was for Grissom prescribed to him for pain. I opened the bottle looking in seeing blue pills. I took two out then put the bottle back in the cabinet. As I closed the door Grissom opened the door winching at the light before blinking seeing me. I put my hand behind me hiding the pills.

"You scared me!" I said

"What are you doing?" He asked

"I was just coming." I said

"You okay?" He asked

"Yes." I said "Can I be alone a moment?"

He looked at me and I hoped he would just go back to bed.

"Okay." He said, leaving shutting the door. I sighed lifting my hand up looking at the pills.

Grissom lifted his head from the pillow seeing me walking back to the bed. I got in lying on my side. He moved closer to me putting his arm over my waist.

I looked at the wall thinking about things. The next day I walked out of the bedroom sliding two more pills in my pants pocket. Grissom drank from his to go mug waiting for me at the front door.

At break I walked over to the water fountain looking around before drinking and taking the first pill. I took the second standing as I wiped my mouth with my hand seeing Brass standing down the hallway looking straight at me. I backed up looking at him then I walked the opposite direction. The pills gave me a buzz before long and the shift just flew by.

Grissom walked to his office when I came over.

"Grissom, I need to go see my doctor tomorrow morning." I said

"Your doctor?" He asked, opening the door for me. I went inside watching him close the door. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's just a check up." I said

He put his things on the desk then he faced me.

"Do you want me to come?"

"No, I'll be fine."

He nodded looking at me.

"Okay."

I nodded walking to the door.

"I'll see you later."

He nodded silently. I walked out thinking that was to easy. Grissom had a late meeting. I walked to the station seeing dad closing his office door for the night. He saw me coming.

"Hey honey."

"Dad, will you do me a favor?"

"If I can."

"Please don't tell Grissom about what you saw earlier."

"Do you mean the pills I saw you take?"

"Yes."

"They were Tylenol, weren't they?"

"No, just some pain pills."

"What kind of pain?"

I looked at him.

"Dad, please?"

He sighed fidgeting on his feet.

"Sara, what is going on?"

"Nothing, I am fine."

He flexed his jaw looking at me.

"Your hurting so what do you do? Take pills."

"Dad, it's not like that!" I said

"Your talking to me, all right." He said "I am the man that drank half my life away because I was in pain. Now your doing to same thing!"

I looked down as he watched me.

"Sara, I love you. I care about your wellbeing. If you are abusing your health with pills I will try to stop you in any way I can."

I looked at him seeing he was telling the truth.

"I know Grissom and Russell would do the same."

"I just need something to stop the flashbacks of the explosions."

"No, it will ruin your life."

He touched my arm worried.

"I should go." I said

"Sara?" He said, in a warning tone.

I hugged him as he hugged me back. We let each other go and I walked away feeling his eyes on me. Grissom met me at the front desk putting his hand on my back as we walked out. I froze hearing his phone make a sound.

"Who is it?" I asked

He looked at a text. I swallowed looking out at the traffic then I looked at him. He looked confused a moment then he looked at me.

"Ready?"

"Who was it?" I asked

"Jim, he wanted to talk to me."

"Oh." I said, walking quickly to the car.

He got in as I looked at him.

"What about?"

"I don't know." He said

He dialed his number putting his phone to his ear.

"Jim, it's Gil." He said, sitting back looking ahead.

I fidgeted looking at him.

He glanced at me as he listened.

"I can ask her." He said "Sara, do you want to eat at the diner?"

"With dad?"

Grissom nodded.

"Okay."

Grissom looked at me as he answered. I looked down seeing my hands shake. We arrived at the diner seeing Brass's car parked outside. I walked in seeing him in a booth. Grissom and I sat across from him ordering drinks and food. I sat back seeing dad looking at me worried.

I looked at Grissom then back at dad. He started to talk to Grissom about fishing. The food came and I just picked at mine.

"Sara has a doctor's appointment tomorrow. What time is it?" Grissom asked

I looked at him.

"About ten."

"Why are you going?" Dad asked, before taking a bite of food.

"A checkup." I said

He looked at me as I looked away.

"Your fine."

I looked at him.

"Yes, but I am due for a visit."

Grissom looked at us.

"What is going on?" Grissom asked

I looked at Grissom a moment.

"Nothing."

"Jim?" Grissom said, looking at him.

I pleaded with dad with my eyes. He looked at me then sighed and I knew this was it. As he talked to Grissom I tried to go somewhere else. It wasn't until I heard Grissom calling my name a moment later that I realized it had worked. I blinked looking at him.

He looked very worried about me as did dad.

"We need to talk." He said

I looked at my food wishing I was somewhere else.

"Sara?"

I slowly moved looking at Grissom.

"What pills were you taking?"

"I was….taking the pills you got for your surgery."

"Those pills are not for use unless the doctor prescribed them for you!"

"I am not a child!" I yelled, making people sitting around look at us.

I climbed out of the seat glaring at them.

"Don't you ever talk to me like that again, Gil Grissom!"

Both men watched me run out of the diner. I hailed a cab riding home. I went to the spare room locking the door. I went to sleep hearing the door knob being turned and then left alone. I moved closing my eyes. I canceled my doctor's appointment before driving to work alone. Russell and I worked on his case in the lab as Brass knocked on the door.

"Hey Jim." Russell said

"Hey, can I borrow Sara a moment?" He asked

"Yes, if she wants to go." Russell said, looking at me.

I threw my gloves away following him to a quiet corner of the building. He lifted his hand moving my hair back off my right cheek as I looked down.

"I am sorry that I made you mad, but I am not sorry I did it." He said "Are we okay?"

"I don't know."

"I want to be okay. Having two daughters not talk to me breaks my heart."

He watched me look at him in silence then I hugged him putting my head on his shoulder. He hugged me back.

Grissom walked over seeing us. Brass looked at him as I moved turning seeing him. Brass pushed me forwards.

"I suppose you want to yell at me again." I said

He flexed his jaw as I looked down.

"In my office." He said

I sighed walking as he looked at Brass then followed. Grissom opened his door and I walked in still keeping my head down. He shut the door putting his arms over his chest frowning.

"I'm sorry." I said

When he didn't speak I looked at him.

"That's makes two of us." He said "Sara, I realize that you have had a lot of traumatic events in your life and that you have an addictive personality. You need something to cover up the pain. This isn't about the explosion. This is about your childhood and your mom."

"I know." I said

"From now on I am watching you like a hawk. If you drink or take pills I will know and we will have words."

I looked down as he stepped closer.

"Doctor Sherman told me that she would like to talk to you about these bad things in your life and you will go."

"Okay."

"I don't want you to avoid me. I am your husband. We need to talk more."

I nodded silently.

"You can go back to Russell." He said

I walked to the door feeling him stand behind me. His hands went to my arms.

"Let me in." He said

"You are in." I said

"There is a part of you that is locked behind a door."

I laid my head back against his shoulder.

"You don't trust me." He said

"I have to protect myself. I said

"Against me?"

I turned and looked at him.

"I am not trying to hide anything from you. You are my husband."

"When you want to let me know."

I searched his eyes then I kissed him. He moved back reaching behind me to open the door. I walked out as he closed it again.

After getting home that night I decided to talk to him. He yawned as he closed and locked the front door.

"I think I am going to skip eating and go right to bed." He said

"I thought we could talk."

He looked at me then he motioned to the living room. We sat on the couch and I moved facing him taking his hand.

"Your trembling." He said

"Um…..I want to tell you something that I never talked about before."

"Okay."

I took a deep breath.

"When I was taken to the foster home the ladies husband molested me."

"He did?"

"Yes, everyday for nine months."

"Sara, I am sorry." He said, rubbing my hand.

"I don't trust men. After I left that house I was scared of men."

"That is understandable."

"When he….touched me. I fantasized that I was in another world. A world where my mom and dad were happy in a house in the country."

"Did he….rape you?" Grissom asked

I shook my head.

"He tried once, but his wife came home."

"You never said anything?"

"He told me that he would strangle me."

"How old were you?"

"Ten."

"You kept this hidden till now?"

"It was easy after a while. I pretended it was a dream and didn't happen."

"There is a lot of pain store up when that happens. You can't keep that bottled up."

He searched my eyes.

"I am proud of you for telling me." He said

I nodded taking a deep breath.

"Can we go to bed?"

"Yes."

A light feeling came over me as I told him that. My sleep was nightmare free and when I woke up the next day I felt refreshed.

Doctor Sherman met up with me at the lab at break. We talked in the conference room eating salads.

After shift everyone was leaving when Russell ran out of the building calling us back.

"What's wrong?" Nick asked

"I need you all to suit up. A shooting has happened in the mayor's house. Multiple bodies." He said, a little out of breath "Sara, you need to suit up to. I need everyone."

I nodded going back to the locker room. Grissom was outside with Russell as we all came back. I gave him a peck on the cheek then I ran to the Tahoe.

Russell drove us to the dark mansion that sat on a hill with a windy road. Lights from the cop cars lit up the area. Neighbors from the houses nearby stood behind a yellow tape as some cops guarded it.

We all got out carrying our cases going to the house. Brass met us at the door.

"I counted sixteen bodies inside. The mayor was having a dinner party." He said

"Was?" Russell asked

"He's dead."

Russell turned to all of us.

"Nick, Warrick, and Greg. I need you inside. Sara and I will take the perimeter."

"You beat us here." Catherine called, walking up the sidewalk with her team following.

"Sixteen dead insides. Sara and I are going to walk out here." Russell said, ignoring her.

"All downstairs?" She asked, looking at Brass.

"Yes." He said

Catherine nodded turning to her team talking.

The guys went inside as Russell and I walked slowly through the landscaped lawn. I bent down looking at a butt of a cigarette.

"Someone smokes." I said, picking it up with tweezers. Russell shined his light at me as I bagged it.

"Good find." He said

I stood walking again. Russell looked in some bushes next to the house as I walked on. I stopped seeing something in the flower bed by some trees. I walked over seeing it was a gun.

"Gun!" I shouted

Russell ran over seeing it.

"It can't be this easy." He said "Something doesn't feel right."

I picked the gun up smelling it.

"It's been fired."

He watched me bag it then he looked over to the right.

"What's wrong?" I asked

He looked at me.

"I think this is a trap."

"Trap?" I asked

"Do you remember when we found the knife just laying on the bushes on the last case?"

I swallowed looking around.

"Someone is watching us." He said, quietly.

"The killer?" I asked

"Could be." He said, getting his phone out dialing.

I shined my light around.

"Brass, it's Russell." He said, calmly "Will you come here. We are at the side of the house."

He hung up looking around.

"This place could be rigged to explode. The cigarette and the gun were planted to lure us back here." He said

"You think he wants us dead?" I asked

"I believe we could be his target."

He looked over seeing Brass walk over.

"Jim, I think this is a trap." Russell said "We just found a gun in the flower bed."

"Okay." Brass said

"Someone is watching us."

Brass looked around.

"I think we need to bomb squad before we move anywhere else." Russell said

"I'll get them." Brass said, getting his phone out. He walked back to the front.

"Where do you think it is?" I asked

Russell shined his light down in the grass moving it along the rock path leading to the back patio.

"I see a string stretching across the walkway." He said, kneeling down. I knelt down and saw the line a few inches away. Russell stood looking at me.

"I would say the house is rigged from out here." He said "Give me the camera."

I handed him the camera and he took pictures of the line. He motioned me to follow him and we went to the front of the house. He ran inside telling everyone to leave.

The bomb squad came walking to the back. As we waited one of the men came down holding a camera.

"This is a live feed somewhere. Someone is watching." He said, handing it to Russell.

"Thank you." Russell said "Greg, take this back to the lab."

"You got it." Greg said, taking it.

Suddenly an explosion went off from the side of the house. Everyone jumped, and some screamed at the sound. I ran to the vehicles crouching down holding myself. Another made everything shake. I shook wishing it would end.

Someone crouched down beside me rubbing my back. They seemed to go on forever. I found myself grabbing at the person trying crawl inside them.

The explosions went quiet as I kept a firm grip on the person.

"It's over. It's all over." Brass said

He rubbed my back listening to the sounds around us. Russell found us kneeling down.

"Sara, are you okay?"

I lifted my head looking at him.

"You okay?" He asked, again.

I slowly nodded. Brass helped me to stand.

"They are going over the house now." Russell said "Sara, why don't you relax and rest in the Tahoe?"

I nodded not wanting to work. His phone went off as he walked away. Brass got the keys off Catherine unlocking the vehicle. I climbed into the back seat lying down. He shut the door locking it then I was alone.

I shook for a while listening to what was happening outside.

Russell walked over to the Tahoe opening the back door an three hours later seeing I was sleeping on my side. He closed the door gently seeing Brass walk over.

"She's sleeping." He said

Brass nodded.

"I am about to leave. I can take Sara back."

"We have three hours before day light. The team are almost done. Taking her back with you would be a good idea."

Brass opened the back door touching my shoe.

"Sara?"

I moved looking over at Brass.

"I am taking you back to the lab."

He helped me out then we went to his car. I looked outside as he drove. I sat back in the seat leaning my head back looking at him. He glanced at me before reaching over taking my hand. I smiled a little looking back at the window. He pulled into a parking space outside our house. He looked at me as I looked at the house.

"Gil's probably waiting for you." He said

"He is sleeping." I said

Brass leaned over kissing my head before getting out. I climbed the stairs slowly unlocking the front door. I closed the door locking it. I walked quietly to the bedroom finding him sitting up reading in bed.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" I asked

"I was waiting for you." He said "Russell called me and told me about the scene."

"It was nothing." I said, walking past the bed to the closet taking my clothes off.

He stood walking over.

"Just a few minutes of terror." I said

He turned me around facing him. I swallowed shaking as he pulled me against him.

"Just stop." He said

I took a shuddering breath. He made me lift my head kissing me. I kissed him moving back looking at him. He leaned in again kissing me. I let myself go limp as he picked me up taking me to the bed.

I jumped awake as Grissom walked into the bedroom talking on his phone. He looked at me still in bed. I sat up watching him get something off the black dresser against the wall on his side. He looked at a folded paper then he turned looking at me motioning to his watch before walking out. I sighed getting out of bed walking out to the kitchen. Grissom walked in seeing me drinking orange juice from the carton. He walked over taking the carton from me. I frowned at him as he set the carton on the counter giving me a look.

"That sounds like a good decision. He needs a break." Grissom said, as he leaned back against the counter.

I walked over reaching past him for the orange juice. He took it stretching his arm out so I could not reach it.

"I can sign the paper when I get to work." He said

I hit him on the side trying to get the carton again. He watched me listening.

"Come see me when I get in." He said "Bye."

"I want some juice!" I said

"You can have some in a glass." He said

"Give it to me." I said

He handed me the carton. I got a glass pouring some in a glass. He watched me drink it.

"You look tired." I said

"So do you." He said

"I am."

"Can you be ready in five minutes?"

"Yes." I said, putting down the glass and running out of the kitchen.

I got ready running out as Grissom opened the front door. I zipped past him as he shook his head going out shutting the door. Everyone got to work as soon as we arrived. I was put back on light duty which meant dusting for prints and sending evidence to be tested.

At one-point Russell dragged me to his office to talk. I watched him leave the door open as he walked around his desk opening a manila folder on his desk before sitting down.

"Have a seat." He said

I sat down in a chair looking at him.

"Sara, I know what your capable of, but I am not convinced that you are one hundred percent yet. I think you need to be light duty a little bit longer."

"Is this because of my performance at the scene? I am ready to go now." I said

"I am not convinced." He said, sitting back in his seat "You are still rattled when you hear loud noises and it may cause you to mess up. I can't allow that to happen. You are one of the best employees I have."

"How long?" I asked

"A month."

I looked at him in shock.

"A month?!"

"Yes."

I made a sound standing.

"Do you know what a month of just staying in the lab will do to me?" I asked

"You will be fine. We are starting the heavy case season. The days will just fly by."

"Russell, I…."

"Sara, this is my decision. It's done." He said

I walked out stopping still in shock. A month seemed like a prison sentence. I went back to work watching the others talk and work on the mayor case. At break I went to the vending machine in the hallway across from the breakroom. I put money in deciding when Greg appeared punching a number. Honey pretzels fell as I turned glaring at Greg who ran around the corner laughing. I hated pretzels trying to find some more money. Sighing, I got the bag looking at them.

"What's wrong?" Catherine asked, as she walked by.

"My life." I said

"Bad shift?" She asked

I nodded looking at her.

"Cheer up, everything will get better." She said, before walking away.

I got out my phone texting Grissom.

Do you have any change? Sara

Throwing the bag away in the breakroom garbage I heard my phone ding.

Come to my office. Grissom

I walked to his office finding the door open. When I walked in I saw him at his desk working.

"You wanted change?" He asked

"Yeah, I am hungry." I said, walked over to his desk.

"I have something better than vending machine snacks." He said, reaching down beside him lifting a brown paper bag.

"What is that?" I asked

"I stopped and got us some salads."

I sat down in a chair as he cleaned his desk off taking out two salads from the bag. He got us drinks watching as I opened my container eating as if I had not eaten in a long time.

"You must be hungry."

"Mmhmm." I answered

He chewed at his usual speed looking at me.

"So, how is the case going?" He asked

I stopped eating looking at him.

"It's fine. Russell told me he is keeping putting me on light duty for a month."

"Really?"

"Yes, I am miserable." I said

"A moth will fly by."

"That's what he said." I said

"He's right." Grissom said

I looked at him.

"You all act the same and say the same things."

"We are all cut from the same tree." He said

I ate slowly as he watched me.

"Sara, I support his decision. I know this is hard for you, but by the time the month is over you will be a much healthier person."

I looked at him as he took a bite looking at me.


	2. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sara sees a release from the pain. She is going down a dangerous path.

I groaned looking at the large plastic jar in the large layout room on one of the tables. I didn't know what was inside, but it looked disgusting. It reminded me of the time Grissom had Greg give him a stool sample. I cringed glancing at it before laying a map out of the far table circling different areas.

Russell came in smiling at me snapping on gloves walking over to the jar. He opened it and I had to take a breath and hold it. The smell was horrible. He looked inside then with large tongs he stirred the liquid around putting the lid back on. He took his gloves off waving at me before leaving.

I took a breath still smelling the strong odor. I decided to leave taking the map to another room. I walked to Grissom's office. He hung up his phone seeing me come in leaving the door open. He sniffed the air as I sat down in a chair infront of his desk.

"Sewage?"

"Russell is turning into you. He has this jar in the large layout room that smells horrible." I said

"Is that bad that he is like me?" He asked

I shook my head holding it in my hand.

"No, but whatever he put in there is horrible."

He chuckled writing on a paper.

"You're in lab month is almost done. You can go to scenes soon."

"I am so happy." I said

He smiled a little watching me.

"What?" I asked

"Nothing, your being adorable today." He said

"Aww, that's so sweet." I said

"I am going to throw up from all this sweetness." Brass said, as he stood in the door looking at us.

"Come in." Grissom said

I stood ready to leave.

"I'll leave." I said

"You can stay." Brass said, coming in to stand next to me. "Gil, what does the month look like for meetings."

Grissom went onto his computer at the side looking at the next month. Brass smiled at me putting his hand on my back scratching it.

"I have meetings starting on the May 1st at 5:00 and then it continues every Monday at the same time till the end." Grissom said, facing us again.

"Send it to me, will you?" Brass asked

"All right."

Brass sighed looking at his watch on his wrist then he looked at me.

"Gotta go." He said

I watched him go then I looked at Grissom.

"I better go to." I said

"Sara?"

I turned looking at him.

"Yeah?"

He blew me a kiss and I smiled leaving.

I didn't see Grissom after that. Russell told me I could start the next night on a scene. I did a cartwheel in the hallway excitedly running yelling. Grissom waited for me after shift. I ran down the hallway stopping right beside him. He frowned at me putting his hand around my waist leading me outside.

"Why are you so happy?" He asked, as he slid into the car.

"I am working a scene next shift!" I said

"Good." He said, turning the engine on.

We went home and I was too excited to sleep. Grissom went to sleep as I went to the living room eating a sandwich watching TV. When Grissom woke, I was still watching TV looking exhausted, but I was so happy that I didn't care. We went to work, and Russell had a scene for me. I went to a junk yard where Brass was waiting.

"There is a body in a barrel with oil." He said, as we walked to a black metal barrel by some others. "Some men came to get them and found this guy."

I looked in seeing the top of the victim's head. The barrel was filled with oil. I sighed knowing this was going to be a messy job. I had the morgue guys take the guy out putting him on a mat. He was locked in a crouching position. I took a picture and then went in search of identification finding none. Putting on some coveralls I walked up to the barrel getting some long gloves on I put my hand inside trying to feel for a wallet. I concentrated not able to touch the bottom. Some junk yard workers were laughing somewhere as I continued to hunt.

"Hey sweetheart, need help?" A man asked

I ignored him thinking I felt something.

"I can help her." Another man said

They were laughing as the one man came over lifting me up making me fall into the oil headfirst. I screamed then sank into the goo. Brass heard my scream running over with his gun out seeing the men laughing and me with my legs sticking up struggling.

"Get away from her!" Brass shouted, aiming his gun at the men. "You! Help her out!"

The man who pushed me in lifted me out. I got the wallet unable to breathe because of the oil on my face. I wiped it off seeing what was going on.

"Sara, you okay?" Brass asked, having his men arrest the guy that pushed me in.

"I got the wallet!" I said

He watched me wipe more goo off my face then I opened it looking inside. Later, I walked into the lab still in the coveralls holding evidence bags. Grissom and Russell were talking in the hallway seeing me.

"What happened to you?" Russell asked

"It was great!" I said, walking past.

They both looked at each other then back at the direction I went.

Grissom chuckled at the story I told him about the scene as we drove home. He got us inside the house and kissed me. I moved away as he smiled a little touching my cheek with his hand.

"You never cease to amaze me." He said

I smiled before walking to the bedroom. He shook his head going to the kitchen. I slept against him as his phone went off a couple of hours later. Grissom sighed waking grabbing his phone.

"Grissom." He said, closing his eyes.

"If you don't want your wife to be buried in oil then tell her to drop this case." The voice said

Grissom opened his eyes sitting up awake.

"Who is this?"

A click told him that the person hung up. He looked at his phone seeing it was a fake number. He looked at me sleeping beside him. Grissom was reserved the next day. I went about the case as he disappeared. He appeared later knocking on the lab door I was working in.

"Hey, where have you been?" I asked, looking at a hammer I found at the junk yard ground not far from the barrel.

"I was talking to Brass and Russell." He said "Are you okay?"

"Yes, are you?" I asked, looking at him.

"I am fine." He said

I smiled looking down.

"That is my line." I said

He smiled a little looking at me.

"What's going on?" I asked, walking over to him.

"Nothing." He said

"Your acting weird.' I said

"Whatever is happening should not worry you." He said

"Grissom?"

He slid his hands on my arms searching my eyes.

"Your very beautiful."

I gave him a confused look.

"Your scaring me now." I said, moving back to the table. He chuckled leaving.

I decided to go back to the scene. I told Russell I was going. When I got there a cop and Brass were there waiting.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" I asked, getting out of the Tahoe with my case.

"I didn't have anything else to do." He said, watching me walk over.

"What is going on?" I asked

"Nothing is." He said

I stared at him a moment then walked past him with a flashlight. He motioned the cop to be on guard as he walked closely with me along the area.

"Grissom is acting weird and so are you."

"No more than usual." He said

I laughed stopping to face him.

"Tell me what is going on."

Brass looked at me sighing.

"Someone made a threat towards you. They don't want you investigating this case."

"That's it?"

"Yes, Grissom is just protecting you."

"I wish he would have told me." I said

"He didn't want to worry you."

I shook my head walking again. Brass walked over and stopped watching me look around. He looked back at his officer then back at me.

"Nothing." I said "It doesn't make sense."

I walked up to Brass looking around.

"I can't find anything."

"Maybe it was a hit." Brass said

"I think so to, but you would think there would be a fingerprint or something."

Brass nodded. We walked back to the vehicle.

"Going back to the lab?" He asked

"I suppose." I said

He touched my arm.

"Don't be mad."

"I'm not mad." I said

He hugged me then watched me get into the Tahoe. I drove away scratching my head frustrated because of the lack of evidence. I turned down the road leading towards the strip when a large truck swerved towards me. I quickly swerved out of the way as it swerved again causing me to lose control. My vehicle rolled down a ravine as I screamed. It stopped twisted and broken. I laid on the ground away from the wreckage. I coughed moving my head looking up the hill seeing flashing lights. I slowly moved my body feeling pain in places.

"Sara!" Brass yelled

"I'm here!" I shouted, coughing as I stood. Brass ran down scared.

"Honey, are you okay?!" He asked

"Yes." I said "I had my seat belt on and it broke throwing me out of the window."

He hugged me against him as I closed my eyes.

"Did you see the truck?" I asked

"Yes, I put a call in. I called an ambulance."

"No need I am fine." I said

"Let me look at you!" He said

"Dad, honestly I am okay." I said "Don't tell Grissom."

"Honey." He said

"Don't tell him." I said

He slowly nodded helping me up the hill. He took me back to the lab and I walked slowly inside. Grissom met me at the front desk after shift. He didn't say a thing about the accident, so I assumed Brass did what I wanted and didn't tell him. Russell appeared looking struck.

"Sara, are you okay? I just heard what happened." He said, looking me over.

"What happened?' Grissom asked

"Brass phoned me telling me that a large truck went after Sara on the road and her Tahoe rolled down a ravine."

Grissom looked at me with alarmed eyes. I sighed knowing this was going to be bad.

"Why didn't anyone tell me about this?" He asked

"I'm fine." I said

He got his phone out going outside. I looked at Russell nodding to him before leaving. Grissom was yelling into his phone when I joined him. I knew it was my dad on the other end. He hung up coming to me.

"Grissom, I am fine." I said

He touched my face and then my arms looking at me all over.

"You didn't have to yell at dad."

He came closer kissing me. I moaned as he slowly moved his soft lips over mine. I moved back and he pulled me closer. I could not get any closer. He moved back opening his eyes looking into mine.

His hand went to my cheek cupping it.

"You really like me, don't you?" I asked

He didn't answer as he moved his fingers over my cheek. I closed my eyes moving my cheek into his hand. His lips went to my head as he sighed closing his eyes.

"It's amazing that you survived that unharmed." He said

"Let's go home." I said

"Hospital first." He said

"No, I am fine." I said

"Hospital." He said

I groaned as he led me to the car. We sat in the emergency room waiting to be looked at. I was told I had broken ribs. They wrapped them and we were sent home.

"They wrote you out a prescription." He said, as we drove.

"I don't need it." I said

"Sara, you will need these pills."

"No, I hate pills."

We got home and he was unusually silent. He took me into the bedroom taking my shirt undoing the wrap to look at the dark bruising on my stomach.

"I didn't even feel them." I said

His hand went to them.

"You're in shock." He said

I nodded shivering looking down at his hand carefully going over the bruises. He wrapped me up tightly. I crawled into bed. I started to feel pain on my side. When I woke the next day, the pain was terrible. I decided to act as if nothing was wrong so not to worry Grissom. I took some old pain killer pills I had for a broken wrist a year ago. Grissom watched me walk out of the bedroom.

"Ready to go?" I asked

"I am, but I don't think you should go." He said

"Nonsense." I said, getting a takeout mug for coffee. I came back out looking at him in the living room then I walked to the front door. He gave up walking out with me.

Dad came to see me at break. I was holding my stomach as I walked over to the trash by the counter in the corner of the room throwing away my sandwich bag.

"Hey, how are you?" He asked

I turned looking at him letting my stomach go.

"Fine, don't tell Grissom you saw me holding my stomach."

He looked worried for a moment.

"You got checked out, right?" He asked

"We went to the hospital and they wrapped my ribs."

"Sara, if you're in pain you need to take something."

"I am fine."

"Honey, you could have really hurt yourself." He said

"Please just…. leave it alone." I said

He touched my arm.

"You two look serious." Grissom said, walking in to get some coffee.

"I was just telling dad about the case." I said

Grissom poured some coffee in a cup then he looked at us.

"How is the case?" Grissom asked

"On going." I said

Brass was silent as he rubbed my arm.

"Jim?"

"Hmm?" Brass said, looking over at Grissom. "What did you say?"

"The case?" Grissom asked

"Oh, we found the truck. I have the team checking it for prints."

"Good." Grissom said, walking out leaving us.

"Sara, promise me you will take it easy." He said, quietly.

I nodded hugging him.

"I love you." I said

"I love you, honey."

I left him to go to the morgue to see Doctor Robbins. He was taking off some bloody gloves when I came in.

"Sara, what brings you here?"

"A checkup."

"For who?" He asked

"Me."

"I just work on the dead, not the living." He said

"Can we make an exception? I need this to be between us."

He looked uneasy for a second.

"I don't want Grissom to worry." I said, coming closer.

"Why not go to the hospital?" He asked

"I did, but I need some pain pills?"

"Didn't the hospital prescribe some?"

"Yes, but I know there are others."

He motioned for me to have a seat in his desk chair by his desk. I walked over sitting down. He rolled another chair over sitting down infront of me.

I slowly lifted my shirt taking off the bandage showing him the horrible dark bruises on my stomach.

"Wow, this looks bad. How are you standing?" He asked

"Pain killers." I said

He reached over touching one and I winched.

"Sara, you should not even be here."

"Can you get me a prescription?" I asked, pulling down a shirt throwing the gauze away.

"What kind of pills are we talking here?"

"Please help me?"

He sighed getting out a prescription pad. He wrote out a pain killer than handed it to me.

"Our secret." I said

He watched me leave.

I walked out relieved feeling an ache already. I left to fill it then came back working. Brass invited us to eat after shift at his favorite diner up the street. I sat down across from Brass waiting for Grissom to come. I opened the pill bottle taking a pill drinking some water as dad looked at his phone. He put it down looking at me. I smiled sitting back looking back outside. Grissom came in joining us. I felt loopy realizing I should have just taken half of one. Grissom chuckled at Brass's story as I laid my head against his shoulder. Our food came and Grissom poked me to eat. I looked down at my food then I laid my head down on the table beside my plate on my arm.

"Must have been a tiring shift."

Grissom looked at me then nodded. He woke me to leave and then we walked out. Once in the car I put my head back on the headrest sleeping. He touched my hand then started the engine. We went home and he carried my limp body into the house. He put me into the bed.

He touched my cheek then took my shoes off. He removed my pants hearing a sound. As he looked at me, he reached into my pants pocket finding the bottle of pills. He looked at them.

I moved at two the next day feeling so sore and miserable. My clothes had been taken off and I was left in my bra and underwear. I went to bathe and dress for the day moving stiffly. I could not find my pills, so I took one of the ones I had for my wrist.

Grissom stood dressed drinking his customary cup of coffee at the desk in the living room. I walked over putting my hands around his waist.

"Hello." I said

"Hello." He said

I smiled laying my head on his back then I walked to the kitchen getting some coffee. I heard something as I poured coffee turning to see Grissom at the door leaning against it with my bottle of pills on the island.

I looked at them as he calmly looked at me. I drank some coffee reaching over taking the bottle placing it in my pocket looking at him. I walked out past him to the front door. He walked over without his coffee looking at me.

"Ready to go?" I asked

"No, not yet." He said

I swallowed not knowing what to expect.

"Are you going to yell?" I asked

He reached down taking the pills from my pocket.

"Where did you get those?" He asked

"I went back to the doctors and got some stronger pills." I said

He looked at them then at me.

"Do you know that these are hard to get?"

"I guess the doctor has a crush on me." I said

"I am throwing these away and getting you the one the doctor prescribed to you." He said "Who is this Robbins person?"

I looked down as he realized who it was.

"Oh no, tell me you didn't go to Robbins."

I looked at him.

"I asked him to help me."

"Sara!"

"It's not his fault. I begged him to help me."

"I am throwing these away and I will have a talk with him."

I watched him go to the kitchen. He came back without them then opened the door allowing me outside. My mind was obsessed about getting those pills out of the trash all shift. The pain of my injuries hit me as the second half of the shift came. I winched and groaned every time I had to bend over. Brass came down the hallway seeing I was getting a drink of water from the fountain. I turned and he saw beads of sweat on my forehead.

"Dad, can you drive me home for a moment?"

His hand went to my face.

"Your dripping in sweat."

"I forgot my pills the doctor gave me at home."

"You got the pills?"

"Yes, I need them."

He looked at his watch then he nodded. He drove me home and I made my way to the kitchen finding them in the trash. I broke one in half eating it. Brass watched me hop down the stairs of the house then jump into his car smiling.

"Better?" He asked

"Better, thanks."

"You need to remember to have those on you." He said, pulling out and driving.

"I know. I forgot." I said

"So, what did the doctor actually say?"

"A few broken ribs." I said

"Good." He said

We drove back and I went back to work. Grissom was busy with meetings and didn't recheck the trash when we got home. I threw out the trash so he wouldn't. I began taking more of them sometimes five a day as the weeks went by. I got more unable to stop.

Brass got a lead on the people that had made threats on my life. He brought a man in that was the boss that had put a hit out on the man in the barrel. Grissom relaxed knowing that he was behind bars.

Time went by quickly as we were all busy with scenes. The year passed and I was addicted to the pills I was taking. I secretly met with some man that helped me get them.

One night, Grissom pulled me to him in bed as he sighed closing his eyes. I moved in bed the next day seeing him smiling at me as he held his head up with his hand.

"How are you doing?" He asked

"Fine."

"I was watching you sleep." He said "You are perfect from head to toe."

"Have you been checking me out?" I asked

"Yes,

"You need to stop ogling my body while I sleep."

He chuckled looking me up and down.

"I can't help when I see something I like." He said

"What do you like?" I asked

"Everything so far."

I sat up laughing getting up feeling a sharp pain. I stood not turning around so Grissom could see my face.

"I'll be right back." I said, walking to the bathroom. He was watching me till I closed the door. I took out my bottle from under the sink with shaking hands and got a pill out swallowing. I sank down to the floor letting it work. I came back out seeing he was gone. He was on his phone looking at something on the computer at the desk when I came out walking over kissing his head. He never even acknowledged me. I gave up walking to the kitchen.

He still sat at the desk looking at the computer as I walked in. I sat on his lap putting my arms around his neck attacking his neck with my lips. He concentrated on the screen. It wasn't until I hit the spot that made him weaken. He moaned closing his eyes allowing me to continue my exploration.

"Problems?" I asked

"Yes, but that feels good." He said

I pressed my lips to the spot again.

"We have to get ready." He said

"I am not done yet." I said

He moved his head to the side.

"Brass told me they picked up a drug dealer." He said

"So?"

"He mentioned that a woman matching your description has been buying pills off him. Brass doubted him, but the man knew your name and he said you were wearing a CSI vest"

I stopped kissing his neck then I moved back watching him open his eyes looking into mine. I moved off him slowly as he grasped my arm.

"Obviously the man saw me and is making up a story." I said, trying to get my arm out of his firm hold.

"What reason would he do that for?" He asked

"I don't know. He could think that by mentioning my name he would get extra privileges." I said, getting my hand free.

He stood observing me.

"I should get ready." I said, walking into the bedroom. I went to my closet jumping when the bedroom door slammed. I turned seeing him standing near the door watching me.

"Sara, why would that man say he knew who you are?" He asked

"I don't know." I said

He walked over with fire in his eyes.

"What is going on?" He asked

I swallowed taking off my shirt I slept in putting a blue one on I got from my closet.

"Answer me!" He yelled

I jumped again wanting to run.

"Where are the pills?" He asked "You hid them somewhere."

"What are you talking about?"

He looked around the room then back at me.

"Sara, where are they?"

I silently looked at him.

"Tell me where they are?"

"I don't have them."

He went to myside of the bed opening the bedside table drawer looking through it. He took a bottle out looking at them. I watched him silently slipping into the bathroom getting them out from under the sink putting them in my bra then I came out. He closed the drawer looking at me.

"Are there more?" He asked "Where else have you hidden them?"

I dressed hurriedly. He walked over as I made it to the door.

"Grissom!" I cried, as he searched me feeling the bottle. He reached into my bra taking the bottle out. I looked at them in his hand then I tried to open the door causing him to shut it blocking my escape. He flexed his jaw looking at me.

"I knew you were acting differently." He said

"What are you going to do?" I asked

"How long has this been going on?" He asked

"I…. a year."

He looked at me in surprise.

"Grissom, when things are bad, I just take them and…." I said, stopping as I looked at him.

He looked at me scared.

"Please just give them to me and pretend you never saw them." I said, whispering.

"Sara, I will not do that! You have a problem."

"No, it's not a problem!"

"Your ribs are healed!"

"You don't understand!" I said, as I walked around the room. "Life is hard for me. Work is hard. I need them to take the edge off."

"You are talking like an addict." He said

I just looked at him feeling tears go down my cheek. He walked over sitting on the bed looking at the bottles.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." He said, looking at the bottle. "I don't know what to do."

"Grissom…. please?" I said

He didn't say a thing. I stood leaving the room. I went to the spare bedroom locking the door then I laid on the bed crying. Grissom went to work leaving me. He walked into Brass's office putting the bottles on his desk.

"That guy was telling the truth?"

Brass frowned taking the bottles looking at them.

"Where is she?"

"Home. Locked in the spare bedroom." Grissom said

Brass put the bottle on his desk.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you let me talk to her?" Brass said "I know all about this sort of thing."

"All right."

I slept in the bed winching at the pain in my stomach. I woke sweating needing a pill. I winched trying to find them then I realized that Grissom had them. I put my arms over my stomach crying as the pain intensified. Someone came in the house and I attempted to stand. I heard a knock at the door, and I unlocked it falling to the floor. The door opened as Brass came in.

He knelt down picking me up taking me to the bed. I shivered feeling blankets come over me. He sat on the bed touching my head.

"D…dad."

"Ssh, it's going to be all right. You're just going through withdrawal."

I moved my head wishing I had a pill. He held my hand as I moved around.

"Sara, you know my story. You know about my addictions. I went through it all. The pain and the tremors. I was a mess. Here you are going through the same thing."

I listened as I kept my eyes closed.

"The worst is yet to come, baby." He said "You have to be strong and fight this."

He touched my head and cheek as I moved winching and crying.

"It's not worth losing everything I lost. You are a strong woman. You can do this."

I felt bile come up my throat. I pulled myself to the side throwing up on the floor. Brass moved as I did so. I collapsed back on the bed not moving. He leaned over me touching my neck then he stood back looking at me.

Grissom wiped my head with a cold cloth later. I laid on our bed breathing slowly. Brass left to check in as Grissom took over. I was white and glistening with sweat. He wiped my cheek and I moved swallowing. I didn't open my eyes as he moved the cold cloth back watching me.

"Dad?" I said, weakly.

"It's me, Sara." Grissom said

I opened my eyes seeing him.

"Where is dad?"

"He went to the station. Would you rather see him?"

I touched his hand with mine shaking my head.

"I'm sorry." I said

"Your dad talked to me and I realized that I can't be mad at you. I love you and want to help you."

I closed my eyes opening them seeing him.

"You have every right to be mad." I said

"No, this is not your fault. Addiction is hard to deal with." He said, wiping my head again.

I closed my eyes enjoying the feel of a cold cloth on my skin. Grissom watched me turn in the bed curling up in pain. I screamed shaking as he tried to help me. Brass came later hearing about the terrible pain I had. He sat on the bed pulling me up against him. I laid my head on his shoulder as he rubbed my back.

"It's almost over, honey." He said

I moaned praying that I would be able to be strong.

"The pain is almost over." He said

I felt it coming back Brass moved back as I lifted my head letting it fall back as I screamed holding myself. Brass set me down as I moved thrashing around. He held me trying to be a comfort. Grissom came in seeing us.

"Gil, get some water and a sleeping pill. She can sleep through this!" Brass said

I screamed more thrashing violently as Grissom went to get the pill and water. He came back seeing that Brass was holding me against him rocking me back and forth.

"Ssh, it's over." He said

Grissom gave him the pill.

"Take this." Brass said, as I lifted my head moving my mouth to the side to not take the pill. "Sara, it's okay. It's just to help you sleep."

"Mmm." I moaned, moving away.

Brass sighed putting me down on the bed putting the pill in my mouth. He then lifted my head to drink the water. I swallowed then I moved crying as the pain shot right through me.

"Just let the pill work." Brass said

He rubbed my back as I cried. He looked at Grissom who was sadly watching me. He lifted me up again rocking me back and forth. I felt the pain start to go away.

"It will be over soon." He said

I started to cry against him shaking as the pain came back. It slowly started to go away leaving me drained and to weak to fight. Dad was a huge comfort at that time. He kept holding me rubbing my back.

"Just let it come." He said

I relaxed feeling sleepy. He gently lowered me back and then stood putting the blankets over my body. He sighed relieved as he looked at me. He walked out of the bedroom keeping it open seeing Grissom holding his head standing in the living room.

"She's sleeping." Brass said

Grissom turned seeing him.

"Good." Grissom said

"Gil, I am here for you as much as Sara. If you need to talk, I have time."

Grissom smiled a little at his friend grateful to have him.

"Make some coffee." Brass said, smiling as well.

I slept moaning a little in my drug induced sleep as they talked in the other room. It was late when they wrapped it up. Brass walked back into the bedroom checking on me then he went out. Grissom changed coming in climbing into bed beside me watching me in the dim light. He touched my hand at my side closing his eyes. I moved later whimpering as Grissom woke holding me against him.

"Your almost over the hurdle." He said

"No….No!" I cried

"You need to fight." He said

"Hurts!"

He kissed my head holding me against his chest. I calmed down breathing in and out deeply. I went back to sleep moving away from him.

Grissom rolled over waking seeing that it was daytime. He stretched opening his eyes seeing me still lying beside him. He lifted his head in concern as I was almost gray looking. He leaned over me touching my neck feeling a faint pulse. He sighed relieved looking down at me.

"Sara honey." He said, caressing my cheek with his thumb.

He lifted up one of my eyes then sat back watching my chest rise and fall slowly. A knock on his door distracted him. He went to answer it seeing Brass holding two coffees and a bag.

"Coffee and bagels." He said

"Thank you." Grissom said, taking one of the coffees.

"Well, how is she?" Brass asked, placing the bag on the island in the kitchen.

"She looks bad. I think she's okay." Grissom said

"Let's take a look." Brass said

Grissom followed him into the bedroom watching the older man walk around the bed sitting on my side touching my wrist and my head.

"I think the worst is over." He said

I moved at the sound of his voice. They both silently watched me as I opened my eyes a little.

"Dad?" I said, weakly.

He squeezed my hand smiling at me.

"Hey."

"Where's…Grissom?"

"I'm here." Grissom said, walking over.

"How do you feel?" Brass asked

"Dying." I said, closing my eyes.

"You will for a time. Your going to get better." He said, leaning over kissing my head.

I opened my eyes again as he sat back.

"Are you leaving?" I asked

"I have to go to work soon." He said

"I…am sticky." I said

"You can have a bath." Grissom said

"I need to go now. I'll check on you later." Brass said, standing letting my hand go.

I felt his loss when he left. Grissom came back in walking to the bathroom. I heard water being run then he came out carefully lifting me up in his arms. I let him undress me then he gently placed me in the hot water. It felt so good. I watched him get a washcloth as he knelt at the side of the tub. He washed me then helped me out putting a shirt of his over me carrying me back to the bed. I felt so much better.

He sat on the bed as I held his hand resting. I got up the next day still very weak. I held onto things as I walked. Grissom was going to go to the lab. I heard him moving around in the next room. I held onto the doorway pleased that I made it this far. Grissom came into the living room looking cute. He stopped seeing me.

"Sara, you need to stay in that bed."

"I need to move around." I said

"I made some soup for you. It's cooling on the stove."

"No thank you." I said, carefully walking over to the couch. He watched me sit down then lie back. He walked over putting some pillows behind me and a blanket over my legs. "Grissom?"

"Hmm?" He said, standing up beside the couch.

I patted the couch and he sat down.

"You take such good care of me."

"I could do more." He said

"I just wanted to thank you. I know I am not that easy to live with."

"You're not, but I have grown accustomed to your habits." He said

I smiled weakly looking down. He made me raised my head putting his hand on my chin. He moved closer kissing me. He moved closer putting his hands on my arms then moved them to my back. I kept my eyes closed as he moved back taking a breath.

"I need to go to the lab." He said

I nodded opening my eyes laying back. He stood hesitating then he left. I sighed contented.

A week later I was in the lab. Russell had me on strict lab duty. Dad met me at my break in the hallway. He led me to Grissom's office to talk with him about a concern. I stood beside him feeling his arm come around my waist. He led me outside in the hallway kissing my head.

"You got some color back." He said

I hugged him.

"You okay?" He asked

"I don't know."

He moved back searching my eyes.

"I feel sad."

"You feel sad because you have stopped doing something bad. I felt the same way. You can't rely on pills to take the pain away." He said, pushing my hair back from my face. "Honey, if you ever want to talk, I am here, and so is Grissom."

I nodded letting him kiss my cheek before walking away. Grissom looked up as I came in shutting the door walking over straddling his body. I searched his eyes then I laid against his him putting my head on his shoulder. He put his arms around me moving his lips to my neck. I looked at the computer as he moved my hair back getting better access.

"Do you forgive me?" I asked, moving back to look at him.

"For what? Did you break something?" He asked, concerned.

"I meant for the pills."

"I told you I did."

"I know, but I get the feeling you haven't."

He slowly moved standing lifting me up on his desk.

"Listen to me. I am only saying this once. Yes, I was very hurt that you chose this path, but I soon realized that you were crying out for help and I never even noticed. I blamed myself for a while then it just left me. All the anger and distrust. Now I just love you even more than I did. I want to protect you and take care of you. Do you understand what I am saying?"

I nodded as he stood infront of me.

"This is not going to come between us. I love you." He said

I reached over touching his shirt as he touched my cheeks.

"I need to go to work." I said

He realized what time it was and let me go. I jumped off his desk walking to the door. Grissom cleared his throat sitting down in his chair. I stopped at the door thinking then I looked back at him. He looked at a paper before signing it. I slowly walked over to him.

"Grissom?"

"Hmm?" He answered, looking at another paper.

"Grissom!" I said

This time he put the paper down looking up at me.

"Yes?"

"Stand up a minute." I said

He gave me a confused look then he scooted his chair back standing facing me.

"What?"

I smiled a little before grabbing his face with my hands pulling him forwards till my lips hit his. I gave him a kiss that he would never forget. He slowly put his arms around me moving his hands around my back. He was not prepared for such a passionate kiss. I thought mine would fall off as I pushed harder moving my hand in his hair. A knock at the door caused him to groan in my mouth. I kept him centered continuing to kiss him.

The door opened as Catherine came in.

"Gil, you need to…." She said, stopping as she saw us.

Grissom moved his head looking at her as he moved back looking shell shocked.

"Sorry to intrude." She said, smiling.

Grissom cleared his throat letting me go as I smiled moving away.

"I should go." I said, walking to the door. I looked back at Grissom seeing he was still recovering. Catherine chuckled at the state of his hair. He fixed it with his hands sitting down.

I walked out smiling leaving him to recover.

After shift was over, I waited for him outside. He came out walking over carrying keys. He opened the car door for me.

"Sara?"

"Yes?" I asked, looking at him.

"I…."

"I enjoyed it to, Gris." I said

He watched me get into the car watching as he shut the door. He got in on the other side looking at me.

"Let's go home." I said

He nodded sitting back starting the engine.


	3. Distraught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An explosion might just take Grissom. Sara struggles.

Brass walked along the hallway of the lab looking around for Catherine. I popped out of a room on the right almost bumping into him. I jumped seeing him standing there. He smiled at me.

"Have you seen Catherine?"

"No, not since an hour ago." I said

He nodded looking me over.

"How are you doing?" He asked

"Good." I said

He touched my arm squeezing it.

"Really?" He asked

"Yes, I am really good."

"Ok." He said, letting my arm go then he walked past. I watched him go before I walked away.

I smiled later as Grissom kissed my head before he led me out of the building to go to our car. Grissom stopped on the curb looking around.

"What's wrong?" I asked

"Listen." He said

I looked around faintly hearing someone saying help. Grissom walked past me looking at the corner of the building then he looked out towards the street. I walked over following him. He stopped on the sidewalk seeing a woman with a torn dress clutching her stomach stumbling towards him.

"Help!" She begged, then she fell to the ground.

Grissom ran over to her as I got out my phone. He rolled her over seeing the extent of the wound as her hands fell away. I knelt down as Grissom took his coat off putting it over the wound.

"She's been stabbed!" Grissom said

I winched thinking about the pain she went through.

"Gil!" Brass called, running over kneeling down.

"There is a trail of blood. We should track it to see where she came from." Grissom said

"I'll do it." I said

"Take your case and get Greg." Grissom said

"I can have one of my men go with them." Brass said

I ran getting my case and Greg. By the time we ran out again the ambulance and the cop was waiting on us. Greg and I walked down the street seeing blood drops.

"She walked along way." Greg said

"Yeah." I said

We walked on still seeing the drops. As we went on the drops went around a building stopping in this one area by a blue trash dumpster. I took some pictures of the dumpster and the small blood pool beside it.

"I don't see the knife. It must be in the dumpster." Greg said

"Flip a coin?" I asked

"I'll do it." He said

"Thanks." I said, watching him climb up opening the lid looking down shining his light inside.

"Oh man, this is disgusting." He said

I chuckled looking around the other side of the dumpster. Greg climbed inside tossing black trash bags around.

"I found the knife!" He announced

I looked up seeing him lift up the knife showing me. I got a bag letting him toss it inside. We finished the scene walking back to the lab handing in the evidence. Grissom pulled me to the car as I was exhausted.

I slept soundly as Grissom slid into the bed. He moved to his side looking at me. He reached over brushing my hair away from my face. He leaned over gently kissing my cheek. I moved my head stilling as he smiled a little moving back to his side closing his eyes.

The next day I was drinking coffee in the kitchen as Grissom came in dressed for work. I moved so he could get some coffee. He instead took my cup and placed it on the counter then he pulled me against him putting his lips on mine. He put his right hand on the back of my head holding it in place. He moved back placing his forehead against mine.

"I love you." He said

"I know." I said, keeping my eyes closed.

"You are everything to me." He said, moving his head back looking at me.

I opened my eyes looking into his.

"I mean it, Sara."

"I know." I said, quietly.

"You okay?"

I nodded looking him over as I moved back. He pulled me back against him kissing me again. I let my arms stay at my sides. He moved back again satisfied. I smiled as he did then he let me go to get his coffee. I went back to drinking mine tingling from both kisses.

We went to work hearing that the woman we helped the night before had died on the way to the hospital. Greg and I worked on the case since our other cases were over. Russell joined in helping us. I went on break getting my sandwich from the fridge in the breakroom when the alarm went off with flashing lights. I dropped my sandwich on the counter running out seeing other people coming out looking around. Russell and Catherine came out of her office looking confused.

"What is going on?" I asked

"I don't know." Russell said

Everyone started to walk to the exits. I stayed back looking down the hallway. That is when a huge booming explosion hit the building shaking it. I heard screaming and saw smoke coming like a dust storm down the hallway at me. I ran the opposite direction when it hit from the other side as well. I coughed unable to see. The smoke was suffocating. I heard a woman calling for help somewhere.

"I'm…coming!" I called, covering my mouth with a hand as I touched the wall with the other. The smoke took on a black coloring and the sprinklers came on. I slowly walked forwards not seeing a thing.

"Help!" The woman cried again.

I thought about Grissom where he was, or if he was safe. I hunched over coughing trying desperately to breathe. I heard someone moving near me. I slid down to the floor sitting against a wall covering my eyes and mouth. Now I was in trouble. I considered how long it would take for me to die. A person touched my arm. I felt them pull me against them and I was carried to an outside door. I breathed in the air coughing as I was lowered to the ground. I laid on my side feeling hands holding me in place. I turned my head seeing someone wearing a face mask over their eyes and mouth. I blinked watching the person take off the mask revealing my dad. He leaned over me concerned. I closed my eyes laying against the hot cement not caring. I remember nothing after that.

When I came to I was in the emergency room. All around me it was chaos. People were crying in pain with bloody clothes and cut heads. I touched the oxygen mask over my mouth and nose looking to the side seeing a woman I recognized from the lab on a stretcher with doctors and nurses working on her. A curtain between us was pulled blocking my view. I could hear someone shouting clear. I moved my head to the left side just in time to see Grissom being wheeled past me looking white. The sight of blood on his face and body was enough to cause panic inside me. I cried out trying to move, but my body refused to. I took the mask off.

"Grissom!" I shouted

No one payed any attention to me. I had to get to Grissom. I moved my legs over the side with difficulty. Then I hoisted myself up winching. Once I put my shoes on the floor I collapsed onto the ground.

I heard a commotion and then people helping me up into bed after that nothing. When I woke next, I was in a hospital room alone. The door opened on the right and Brass came in walking quickly over to the bed.

"Honey, I had to talk to a doctor. It's okay." He said, kissing my head.

"Where's…Grissom?" I asked

He sighed taking my hand.

"Grissom is in surgery. The blast hit him head on."

"What happened?" I asked

"A bomb from outside next to the building."

I looked at him scared gripping his hand.

"What if he dies?" I asked, my voice cracking.

Brass leaned down holding me.

"It's going to be okay."

"Dad, I am so scared." I said

He pulled me closer to him as I cried against his shoulder. Brass stayed then he left as I fell asleep. My nightmares about the blast kept me troubled. The next morning dad returned.

"How is he?" I asked

"They said he made it through the surgery, but they don't know if he will make it." He said, calmly.

I looked down at the blankets covering my legs feeling lost. Brass sat on the bed touching my blanket covered left leg as I struggled with this information. The thought of losing Grissom tore me up inside.

I was discharged a few days later and I came back to see Grissom. When I was led into his room, I stopped seeing a shadow of my husband on a bed with machines and wires all around him. The nurse motioned me forwards as she checked his vitals.

"He's in a coma." She said "You can sit awhile and visit."

I watched her go then I looked back at Grissom. The left side of his face was covered by a bandage as was some of his chest. I touched his limp right hand at his side trembling as the tears went down my face. I stayed back afraid I would mess up the wires.

"Please….please come back to me." I said "Grissom, you have to come back to me."

I leaned over kissing his hand feeling my tears go down my cheeks onto his hand.

"Don't leave me." I said, whispering.

I left broken hearted. I returned to work seeing the big gaping hole in the front of the building. Russell walked over looking concerned as I walked around looking at the damage. He hugged me relieved.

"I am so glad your all right." He said "How is Gil?"

"I…don't know." I said

He moved back looking at me sadly.

"Maybe you should take some time off."

"No, I can work."

"We are dropping all other cases and concentrating on his bomb. Why don't you get your usual coffee? When you come back, we can talk about the next course of action." He said

"Okay." I said

I walked down the hallway seeing damage as I passed labs. I got some coffee seeing dad come in seeing me. As he came closer, I just burst out in tears. He put my cup down on the counter holding me against him. I sobbed letting the pain out.

I was only half aware that he moved us to the couch where he sat holding me against him. I gripped his coat hiding my face in his chest.

"Ssh." Brass said

I calmed down unable to cry anymore. I looked to the side sniffing as he kissed my head laying his chin against me.

"Gil is going to make it. He still has a job to do." He said "I don't want you to worry."

I knew he was right, but part of me doubted it.

"He loves you. I think that keeps him fighting." He said "You should be home resting."

He felt my grip loosen on his coat as my breathing evened out. Russell came in seeing Brass.

"I was just looking for Sara." He said

"She needs to rest for a few days." Brass said

"I agree, but you know how stubborn she is." Russell said

"Leave it to me. I will tie her up if I have to."

Brass helped me out to his car then drove me to his place.

"Now I want you to stay here and sleep." He said, leading me inside to the right where his spare bedroom was.

"I can't sleep. I have to work and go see Grissom. Plus, I have nightmares." I said

He put the blankets back then he turned to me.

"You look exhausted. Stay in this bed and I will bring something back to eat." He said

"Dad." I said

He came closer putting his hands on my pale cheeks.

"Baby, please don't fight me on this. You need sleep and a good meal."

"I am not fighting I just know I can't." I said

"I have a solution." He said

I watched him leave. I moved to the bed sitting down on it as he came back in with a brown bottle and a glass of water.

"What's that?" I asked

He took one little round pill out of the bottle then handed it to me.

"It's a sleeping pill. It's so potent that it knocks you out in a minute." He said

I looked at it then at him.

"I can't take it."

"Yes, you can. There is nothing to do right now and I don't need you getting sick."

I looked down at the pill in my hand then I sighed popping it in my mouth before drinking water out of the glass.

"Now get undressed and be in that bed when I get back." He said

"Thank you, dad." I said

He smiled a little before leaving. I undressed and put on one of his tee shirts then stumbled to bed sleeping. My phone was ringing beside me on the bed. Brass came in grabbing the phone looking at me as he answered.

"Hello?" He answered, before listening. "Yes, I am her father."

He rubbed his face listening looking down as the person on the other end talked.

"I can sign it." He said "Sara's sleeping, but I can get her up and we can be there in half an hour."

I groaned feeling someone shaking me.

"Sara, wake up!" Dad called "Come on we need to go to the hospital now."

He lifted me up moving around dressing me. I swatted his arms as he pulled me to stand making me walk somewhere. Brass sped to the hospital. He walked with me inside holding me by the waist. I rubbed my head looking around wanting to go to bed. The doctor walked over talking to us, but I was not really paying attention. Brass faced me at one point as the doctor disappeared.

"Sara, we need to discuss something."

"What?"

"The doctor said that Gil is not doing well. We might need to put him on life support. If that happens then we need to make the decision to turn the machine off."

I looked at him not fully comprehending it.

"Gil and I spoke about this years ago and he said he did not want to be connected to anything. I think we should go with his wishes and…let him go."

"You mean…kill him?" I asked

"Sara, I am sorry." He said, pulling me against him. "We need to let him go."

"Yes." I said, feeling numb. "Can I see him?"

"Yes, we'll go."

He led me along a cold white hallway till we got to a door. The doctor stopped us so Brass could sign a form. I went in hearing silence. I walked over slowly looking at him. He looked so peaceful. The heart monitor beeped slowly. Brass walked in looking at Grissom as he come over to stand beside me.

"I just signed the form that will stop the life support. We'll just let him go peacefully." He said "Honey, why don't you go over to him and say goodbye?"

I nodded walking over to the right side sitting down in the chair beside his bed putting a shaking hand on his.

"He's warm." I said

"Yes." He said "I'll give you some time."

He walked out as I sat in silence looking at Grissom.

Brass watched a few nurses walk past as I opened the door.

"Dad, can we go home?"

He came in the room looking over at Grissom.

"Home?"

"Yeah, I want to go home."

"I thought we could stay with Grissom."

I looked over then at Brass.

"Can we go home?"

Brass looked at me a moment.

"No."

I looked at the door then at him.

"I need to call the others. You stay in here till I come back."

"No, I want to go."

"Okay." He said, leading me out. We went outside as he phoned everyone. I sat on a bench just outside. Catherine drove in and met Brass at the front door. He led me inside the room again. Russell came running in seeing us. I stood in the corner away from everyone surrounding the bed.

"Sara, why don't we go for a walk?" Russell asked

Brass motioned me to go. I walked over taking his hand letting him take me outside. We slowly walked to the waiting room sitting down.

"You okay?" He asked

I nodded looking down. He looked at people walking around looking back at me as I put my head on his shoulder. We sat in silence until Brass came over seeing us.

"Sara?" He called

I woke lifting my head seeing him.

"It's time to say goodbye."

Russell looked at me sadly as I stood.

"No, I don't want to." I said

"Come on."

I shook my head as he pulled me with him. He made me go inside the room with him then we stood beside the bed.

Brass looked at me waiting as I looked down at Grissom. I leaned over hugging him realizing for the first time what was about to happen. I felt vile come up and I ran to the corner throwing up then I fell to the floor screaming.

"Sara!" Brass shouted, as he ran over grabbing me.

I screamed against him unable to take anymore. The nurses and doctor came in seeing us.

"Give her something!" Brass shouted

The staff scrambled out returning with a syringe. They injected me with something that calmed me down instantly. Leaned against Brass breathing in and out hard. The doctor checked Grissom then he looked at us.

Brass looked over at Grissom lying on the bed as the doctor left. He noticed something.

"Sara, I just saw Gil's hand move." He said

"That can happen." The nurse said "Let me help you with her."

They both got me into the chair next to the bed. Brass stood near me looking at Grissom as the nurse walked out. Brass sat on the bed. I could not look at Grissom. My entire world was shattering.

Brass noticed that Grissom was moving some.

"Gil?"

I looked over at him then at Grissom. I stood holding onto the chair then I grabbed Grissom's gown shaking him with all my might.

"Grissom!"

Brass tried to stop me, but I was to strong. I shook him watching him move. Brass came back pulling me away. After he broke my contact, I fell into his arms feeling darkness envelope me.

"Sara?" A gentle voice called to me.

I moved my head as a hand went to my cheek.

"Honey, wake up."

My eyelids refused to move as the hand on my cheek started to tap it over and over.

"Let me try." Another voice said

"Go ahead."

I felt a different hand on my cheek. It was softer.

"Sara, open your eyes." The other person said

I slowly opened my eyes seeing two blurry people standing beside each other looking at me.

"Sara, can you hear me?"

I blinked not comprehending what he was saying. The man leaned closer and I could see blue eyes.

"Grissom."

His cheek rested against mine and I closed my eyes as his lips moved onto my cheek.

"Sara, I love you." He said, gently.

"Is this a dream?" I asked

"No, I am really here." He said

He moved back looking at me as I raised my hand to touch his face. My fingers touched the smooth skin where he had a bandage before.

"You were dying."

"I was, but I made it back." He said, touching my hand.

"Excuse me, but I am afraid she needs her rest." A nurse said, somewhere in the room.

Grissom searched my eyes then he stood up straight talking to Brass.

"Can I stay?" Grissom asked

"As long as you let her rest." The nurse said

"I will."

"I'll be back later." Brass said

He looked at me then walked out leaving us alone. Grissom looked down at me. He leaned down again kissing my lips. I kissed him back letting the pain go. He moved back looking at me.

"How is this possible?" I asked

He sat down in the chair beside my bed taking my hand.

"The doctor said it was a miracle. I could hear everything that was going on around me. When they told Jim that I was going to die I fought to live. I came back without any issues. They told me you were here in a coma. You have been asleep for months."

"A coma?"

"Yes, you just recently started to move your fingers." He said

He touched my fingers delicately. I looked at his hand moving along mine closing my eyes relaxing. Grissom kissed my head.

"Sleep, Sara. We have plenty of time to talk." He whisphered

I went to sleep waking to see the TV on at the corner of the left wall. I jumped hearing someone to the left of me laughing. I turned my head seeing Dad in his work clothes watching the TV. He threw a peanut he got out of a bag he was holding to his mouth catching it. I smiled watching him do it again. He looked over at me seeing I was awake. He put the bag on the bed and stood touching my hand.

"Hey, I came to visit." He said "You look much better. It's been a long time since I sat and watched TV." He said, happily.

"I hated to distract you."

"It's you I came to see." He said, leaning down kissing my cheek. "Did the doctor tell you anything new?"

"I don't know. I have been asleep." I said

"Gil said you you've been sleeping a lot." He said

"He's been here?" I asked

"Every chance he gets." He said "I had to drag him away several times."

I smiled at him.

"I am going to find out when you can get out of here."

"I would love that." I said

He patted my hand then walked out of the room. I sighed thinking about going home and back to work. Minutes later the doctor came in followed by Brass. He checked my vitals and heartbeat nodding with satisfaction.

"You're doing great! I think we can have you out of here by tomorrow."

"Really?" I asked

"If you behave yourself."

"I will."

"Good." He said, before leaving.

I laid back smiling excited about home. The next day they ordered me into a wheelchair. Grissom waited at the front desk smiling as the nurse pushed me out. He took over pushing me out to the car in the car port. I got into the car watching him get in the other side. He smiled at me again before starting the engine. When I entered the house, I saw that the living room furniture had been moved around.

"I decided that the couch should face away from the window." He said

"I don't know." I said

He pulled me against him kissing me.

"I live here to and I have a say." He said

"Yes, but you know I always win." I said

He chuckled hugging me.

"Sara, it's so good to hold you."

I closed my eyes enjoying the moment.

"I can make us dinner." He said

"Take out. I want to watch TV with you." I said

"Okay."

He ordered dinner and then we sat on the couch watching a movie. I was distracted watching him. It scared me how close I came to losing him. He didn't sense my gaze as the movie was more interesting. I slowly moved over straddling his legs. He didn't object as I kissed him wrapping my arms around his neck. His arms went around my back. I leaned back undoing his shirt buttons letting my hands move over his smooth chest. He put his arms around me again pulling me against him. I laid my head on his shoulder as he breathed.

We just stayed like that in silence with only the movie sounds in the room. Grissom closed his eyes resting his head against my other shoulder. I moved back putting my hands on his cheeks.

"I almost lost you." I said

"I know."

"I thought when the time came, I would be in control, but I lost it."

"Sara, I am not disappointed in you. To be honest I don't know how I would be in this situation."

"I love you so much." I said

He pulled me against him holding me. I sighed contented being in his arms.

The following week I was allowed back. Russell smiled at me as he drove us to a crime scene on the strip. I got out seeing the crowd of people barricaded by yellow tape and cops. Brass led us into the hotel. A man was lying on his stomach just inside looking like he was running. It was obvious that he had been shot in the back.

"Someone had to have seen something." I said

"There are camera's all around. They described the shooter as dressed all in black." Brass said

Russell put on gloves as I took photos.

"He must have been running in to escape the person in black."

"He's not a guest. I already checked." Brass said

"Wallet's still here." Russell said, taking the black wallet out of the man's jean pocket. "Fred Agar, 45, lives on Parson Ave."

"That's just up the street." I said

"This looks like a very close-range shooting." Russell said

I knelt down beside him looking at the wounds.

We came back to the lab with little evidence. I drew a diagram of the scene in the lab layout room looking at it. I got my phone out calling dad.

"Brass." He answered

"Dad, it's Sara. Can I borrow an officer?"

"What for?"

"I want to go to Parson's Ave and find the guys house."

"Alone?"

"Yes, I know how to protect myself." I said, smiling.

"I don't think you should."

"Russell has meetings and I am not a little girl."

"It's not that. I just think you should hold off."

"Have an officer meet me at 135 Parson's Ave." I said, hanging up sighing.

I got my case walking along the hallway seeing Grissom and Russell talking as they walked towards me.

"Hey." I said, stopping infront of them.

"Hey, how's it going?" Russell asked

"Great!" I said

Grissom's phone went off and he grabbed it.

"Grissom." He said, listening.

"What are you doing?" Russell asked

"Well I thought I would…." I said, stopping as I looked at Grissom.

"She's what?" Grissom asked, looking at me. I knew from his tone that dad was telling on me. I sighed waiting.

He looked at me after hanging up. Russell looked at him confused.

"What is going on?" He asked

"Sara is going to Parson's Avenue alone." Grissom said

"I just want to go to our victims house." I said

"Parson's avenue is a very dangerous part of town." Grissom said "You need to wait till Russell can go."

"I am very capable of protecting myself. I don't need a man to help me."

"You're not going." Grissom said, walking past. I sighed looking at him go then I turned to Russell.

"I think you should wait." He said "I have to go."

I watched him go then I walked forwards determined to go. I drove to Parsons seeing a lot of abandoned houses along with lit up houses. I stopped infront of a dark house. I got out getting my flashlight out carrying my case. I walked up to the house. I walked slowly up to the front door then I opened the door surprised it was unlocked. I walked in slowly looking around.

I jumped when my cell phone went off.

"Sidle." I said

"Hey, I got out of the meeting and wanted to take you to the diner." Grissom said

"I am busy."

"What are you doing?"

"Working on the case." I said, as I walked down a hallway on the right.

"You can take a break."

"No, I am really onto something." I said, hoping he would buy this lie.

He was quiet for a moment and I got a bad feeling. I swallowed stopping knowing what was about to happen.

"I have to go. I love you." I said

"Sara, where are you?" He asked

"Gotta go, bye." I said, hanging up. I winched putting my phone away.

Grissom walked quickly down the hallway where Brass and Russell stood by Catherine's door.

"Sara went to the house on Parson's." He said

"What?" Brass said

"She is there now."

"Are you sure?" Russell asked

"I can track her phone." Grissom said

"I knew she would do this!" Brass said, walking to the station quickly.

"I can go." Russell said

"No, I will. I want to see her." Grissom said

I entered the victim's bedroom seeing it was neat. I walked over to the closet opening the door when a arm came around my neck holding me tightly. I felt hot breath on my neck.

"Get off me!" I shouted

"I am going to kill you!" The man said "What are you a cop?"

"I am a crime scene investigator!" I said, trying to get free.

"Well now you are dead!"

He yanked me back holding me tightly. I knew if I didn't move fast, he would have the upper hand.

Brass braked hard as he came to a stop infront of the victim's house. Grissom jumped out of the Tahoe he drove behind his friend. Grissom ran up to join Brass with his gun out. Both men started to walk to the front door with four other cops when a gunshot inside stopped them. Brass looked at Grissom then he ran to the door kicking it open.

"Sara!" He shouted, looking around the dark room. "Check the house!"

The cops walked in carefully.

"You shot me!" The man cried, as he lay at my feet in the bedroom. I looked at him still aiming my gun as he held his arm.

"I will do a lot worse if you try anything!"

I jumped as Brass came in looking down at the man on the floor. He yanked the gun from my hands mad.

"Are you crazy?" He asked "Take him out!"

The cops came in taking the man outside as Grissom came in looking equally as mad.

"No, I just wanted to come and check things out." I said

"Sara, you are on suspension without pay!" Grissom said "Your off the case!"

"What? I did nothing wr….!"

"We will talk about this later. I want you to leave now!" Grissom said

I sighed looking at dad. He looked down not saying a word.

"Fine!" I said, shoving past them leaving.

Brass walked out with Grissom still on adrenaline. He took a breath looking up at the sky.

"You okay?" Grissom asked

"Being a cop is easy, but being a father is not."

"I would have thought it was the other way round." Grissom said, watching me drive away.

"No, this is harder." Brass said, walking past him.

Grissom came home later sighing as he heard the TV loudly playing in the living room. He walked in seeing me in pajamas eating from a large tub of ice cream on the couch. I ignored him scooping with a large spoon eating. Grissom walked over sitting on the coffee table blocking my view of the TV.

I glanced at him then looked to the side eating. He silently watched me.

"Is that the new container I just bought?" He asked

I continued to eat.

"You're going to get sick."

"I don't care."

"I do." He said

"Since when?"

He smiled a little then he looked down.

"Sara, what you did earlier was put yourself in danger. You didn't have police protection. You decided to take matters into your own hands. I know that you are headstrong and vocal about things that you believe are wrong, but no matter what you believe this was wrong on so many levels. You didn't follow procedure. This could have been much worse."

I looked at him swallowing ice cream.

"Your dad and I were worried about your welfare and we both love you. We want you to be safe and come home at night. This was reckless behavior."

"I get it." I said

He looked at me.

"Do you?"

I put the container down on the table next to the couch sitting back.

"Yes, I do."

"Good."

"How mad is dad?"

"Very." He said, standing walking away.

A week later I walked to the station seeing dad in his office looking at some papers at his desk. He drank coffee from a mug looking over seeing me opening the door coming in.

"Hey." I said

"Grissom let you come back?"

"Yes."

He put his cup down looking at the papers infront of him.

"Still mad?" I asked

"Yes."

"I am sorry." I said

He looked at me.

"What are you sorry for?"

"Everything." I said, walking around his desk to stand at his side.

He stood standing infront of me.

"Is it that bad that I try to protect you?"

"No, but I make mistakes."

"This was a serious mistake. Next time I might not get there in time."

"I promise I won't do anything that will upset you."

"Yes, you will." He said, smiling.

I hugged him feeling his heart racing.

Grissom was leaving his office as I appeared making him back up. I closed the door looking him over.

"Brass called and said you made up." He said

"Yes, and now I want to make up with you."

"I believe we already did that."

I smiled coming closer.

"I think this needs a proper apology."

"I don't like that look in your eyes."

I chuckled leaning in catching his lips. He slowly put his arms around my body holding me in place. I moaned as he moved back opening his eyes seeing the hunger in mine. I looked down at his lips.

"Sara, we can't."

"I locked the door. We can now." I said, kissing him again.

He moved back giving me a boss look.

"No, we can't."

I sighed letting go of him going to the door.

"Sara." He said

"What?" I asked, looking at him.

"Honey, there is no need for anger."

"Yes, there is!" I said, leaving slamming the door.

After work I walked to the front desk not seeing him. He walked over hanging up his phone looking at me.

"Ready?" I asked

"Yes." He said, following me outside.

He put his hand on my arm stopping me. I looked at him confused as he pulled me to the side of the building. He backed me up against the brick wall of the building giving me a kiss that I would not likely forget. He knew exactly what I needed at that moment. I moaned as he moved back putting his lips on my cheek moving down to my neck. I pulled him closer.

"Sara, I love you." He said, quietly.

"I love you to." I said

He kissed a sensitive spot then moved to look at me.

"Why don't we go home?"

"To bed?" I asked

"I need to eat first." He said, smiling.

"Call dad. We can meet him at the diner."

"Okay."

I smiled watching him make the call. He hung up looking at me.

"Ready?"

"Always."


End file.
